


Wing (Wo)man

by LogicDive



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Decisions, Crowe complaining about, Crowe questioning how she got dragged into this, Cussing, Drinking, M/M, Nyx trying to hit on the prince, Strangers to Lovers, lol, lots of cussing, really really bad pick up lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 06:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11202630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicDive/pseuds/LogicDive
Summary: Everyone knew that Crowe Altius was a badass, sassy and had no filter. They also knew she really didn’t care what you thought, but what they didn’t know what she noted down everything. Everything!! It would most likely be used for blackmail later… or to get free drinks when they went out together.Short Version: Crowe having to deal with Nyx's really bad pick-up lines as he tries to hit on the prince.





	Wing (Wo)man

This was a prompt I was sent that can be found [ here.](https://amid-a-lightless-place.tumblr.com/post/161833977761/how-about-prompt-29-with-mmmm-a-lady-of-your)  
  
29\. _“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”_  
  
Ok, I have no clue what you were expecting but have some sassy Crowe who’s sick of Nyx’s crappy flirting… I am so sorry about this. Please know she does care about Nyx, and says all of this from the bottom of her heart. XD  
  
—  
  
Everyone knew that Crowe Altius was a badass, sassy as shit and had no filter. They also knew she really didn’t give a fuck what you thought, but what they didn’t know what she noted down everything. Every-fucking-thing, and it would most likely be used for blackmail later… or to get free drinks when they went out together.  
  
Lately, her efforts have been put towards noting the consistent failings of one so-called ‘Hero’, who had decided that he was going to win over the fucking Prince of Lucis. Honestly, she wasn’t surprised, he’d done stupider shit since she’d known him.  
  
**Day 1:** _"Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.“_  
  
I fuck you not, he said that. I guess the prince had come down for a tour of the Kingsglaive compound, something about responsibility as heir. The Captain introduces him and goes to show him around when Nyx jumped over the bench and, I swear to Shiva, he almost tripped. Ends up over by the door, leans against the wall and that shit comes out of his mouth. Drautos looked fucking livid, and I think the prince just felt sorry for the bastard… maybe I should treat him to a drink tonight? Nah, fucker needs to suck it up.  
  
**Day 6:** _“Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past again?”_  
  
And the pick-up of the day - is that shit. So I was wrong, the prince was here to become familiar with the area for training. Not only that but somehow Nyx is the one training him? Drautos must have been drunk when he made that decision. If this was the prince’s idea, I swear he’s a fucking masochist. I tried to talk some sense into Nyx, told him to try and behave… he just smirked and said he’d behave _“the only way he knew how”_. The prince is screwed, and now all of us gotta watch this dumbass hit on him at least 3 days a week. On the bright side… who the fuck am I kidding, there is no bright side to this.  
  
**Day 8:** _“Excuse me. I think you have something in your eye. Nope; it’s just a sparkle.”_  
  
He laughed. He. Fucking. Laughed. I shit you not, the prince _(who told us just to call him Noctis)_ actually laughed. How do you laugh at that, I’m officially notating it as a pity laugh because I know he can’t be that fucking stupid. On the flip side, seriously Nyx? If he wanted a quick track to get kicked out of the glaives this boy hit the mark. Wonder if I can have dibs on his apartment, it is a fuck ton closer than mine. Note to self: Try and get Nyx’s apartment.  
  
**Day 12:** _“Are you a campfire? Cause you’re hot and I want s'more.”_  
  
Nyx is wasted - we are all fucking wasted. Noctis is sitting in Nyx’s lap, which the asshole looks far too happy about. Tredd is singing karaoke, badly. Luche and Pelna are arguing over how _not_ to warp into a wall. Dumbasses. I think Libs is the only sober one and has to keep telling Nyx to watch where he’s putting his hands. Swear to Shiva I’m going to wake up and find out his head has been cut off for insa…insubord… shit, for fucking the crown prince. If I have to keep sitting through this shit I’m gonna need something harder to drink than vodka. I just… I just can’t right now. Even if it takes alcohol poisoning, I need to wipe this from my memory.  
  
**Day 13:** —  
  
Surprise, surprise. The prince is a lightweight when it comes to drinking, and didn’t come to practice because he’s hung over. Nyx has been whining all day, and I think Drautos is catching on. He threatened to send him back into the field if he doesn’t _“get his shit together”_. Fucker decided to ask me for some advice, so I gave him some. I told him point blank: _“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”_ I must have hurt his feelings cuz he’s whining to Pelna saying I’m mean, suck it up. See if I help his fucking ass again, damn two-year-old.  
  
**Day 20:** _“Do you drink milk? It sure did your body good.”_  
  
I’m helping his fucking ass again. Why do I keep doing this to myself, maybe I’m the masochist? No, not fucking possible. So during training, the prince took his shirt off, and this gem comes out of Nyx mouth. Swear to Shiva… At this point I don’t know who’s more desperate: Nyx for wanting the prince, or me hoping the prince will finally give in so I don’t have to keep listening to this shit. Maybe I should start a pool, get Nyx laid fund, then we can pay the prince off to put Nyx out of his misery.  
  
**Day 23:** _“Hey baby, wanna sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?”_  
  
Once again we are here… he promised me if I’d come be his wing (wo)man he’d buy the first round… I’m gonna need a hell of a lot more than one drink to put up with this shit. As much as it hurts to say this, I think it’s working. The fucking prince gave him a kiss. Then again, I’d kiss him if it shut his damn mouth and I didn’t have to hear shit like that come out. Maybe it’s a strategic move on his behalf? At this point I’m just confused, why the hell am I even here?! Fuck him, I’m ordering a bottle and he’s paying cuz I have stolen his fucking wallet!  
  
**Day 28:** _“If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.”_  
  
So the dumb ass finally asked the dip shit out on a date. Dip shit said yes, please help him, Shiva. I’m not even gonna bother to use their names anymore because this is so fucking stupid. After dip shit said yes, dumb ass pulled him close and said after the date they could do something really special. When dip shit asked him what that would be, he said _THAT_. At this point, either this is gonna work, or there will be an opening in our ranks by the end of the week.  
  
**Day 30** : —  
  
I’ve just fuckin’ given up, it’s not even worth it for the blackmail anymore. I don’t know what’s worse. They fact I have been putting up with most of this shit _SOBER_ or the fact that it seems dip shit actually fell for it. Dumb ass has been way too happy for something to have _not_ happened, Pelna keeps praying to Shiva that dumb ass doesn’t get his head cut off and Libs actually took him aside for a talk. The talk mostly consisting of _“are you fucking stupid”_ and _“you gotta be shittin me”_. I think Drautos finally figured out what’s going on, cuz Tredd and Luche keep on trying to dodge his ass to avoid answering questions. He took one look at me and didn’t even bother to come over. I have come to the conclusion that dip shit and dumb ass deserve one another, and that I am never helping anyone again. Period. I’m done!

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. Kudos are life, Comments are love, and all you need is love~! lol


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